My name is mona and I have a problem.
I am super needy.
Now, you may think that this would be a difficult thing for me to admit, but it really isn't. I know exactly what my faults are. Completely. Matter of fact, I'll list them for you:
1) I have a horrible temper (that I cover up with a smile and a poisonous dose of internalization)
2) I am insecure (but you'd never be able to tell)
3) I am needy (although I show the opposite of that by ignoring you, not calling you, or basically pretending that you don't exist for a while)
4) I am a control freak (but I appear to be easy going even though I'm screaming inside because you can't do it right)
There are many others, but I'll spare you the details. My point is you never really know who a person is unless you interact with them and get to know them. I find myself at a crossroads everyday, thinking about interactions I have with people, as I get to know them. Are they genuine? Are they being sincere?
Are they worth it?
Another one of my many faults is a damp, cold fear I have in the bit of my stomach of making mistakes. The constant pressure to succeed and be the best (placed by myself, on myself, and by no one else to be honest) takes its toll. And instead of risking making a mistake, I'll pre-emptively take action. Which is also another one of my faults.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that tonight I find myself at a crossroads from thinking too much, because I'd rather not deal with pressing matters, and think about things that aren't pressing at all (realistically)...but they are...to me. And as I ponder pre-emptive action, I can't help but be afraid. However this time, it is not a fear of making a mistake. It is a fear of making a decision, and having that decision be the mistake.
Hi, I'm mona and I have a problem. A big one. And that problem is me.
