%$#@^&*%

Two things have irked me within the past 24 hours.

The first is how people are genetically programmed to disappoint you. I'm serious! Don't you know that one person that you keep hoping would change, but never does? Instead, you are provided with excuses in the form of pseudo-valid reasons, empty apologies, and if you are REALLY lucky, a slick turning of the tables to make it seem like it's YOUR fault for even thinking of feeling the way that you do, about whatever the hell it is. What irks me the most is my undying belief in the greater good, in the philosophy that "someday, they will come around." Talk about fool me twice. Or a hundred times, actually.

Second, I am severely SEVERELY upset with the constant back and forth between myself and people that shall remain nameless. I am exhausted by the mere circumstances that we find ourselves in, and drained by the effort it takes to not only make myself feel okay, but to make them feel okay too. And I care too much. Which makes it worse. I think that's what makes it so hard.

Such an incomplete jumble of thoughts. But there it is, as messy in it's virtual nature as it is in my head. Bleh.

Vision

I bit my tongue so hard today that I almost bled.

And it wasn't because I take pleasure in hurting myself. I was trying to stop the tears from clouding my vision into oblivion as I watched my best friend try on her first wedding dress. That's when it hit me. As I was looking at her, I realized the true meaning of the words, "Life is a gift." Here she was, experiencing this magnificent moment of getting ready to spend the rest of her life with the person she loved most in the world. A man who I know based on my own witnessing will take care of her as long as they both shall live (no pun intended). And not just in the obligatory sort of way, but in the way that gives without expecting to take in return. I envisioned their children and their life together as they grow older. Life truly is a gift. This was the perfect example of what we don't see, when we are out of touch with the blessing around us.

And life is not merely a gift, but it is also an adventure. I think of how my mother moved across the world by herself to complete her degree in a completely foreign land. I think of her having three kids, watching them grow and being a part of their accomplishments and success. Life is such an adventure; in all it's impatience, craziness, heartbreak, and beauty. It is so beautiful.

And as I stood there, facing a side mirror pretending to fix eyeliner that had "seeped" into my eye, I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I almost spontaneously combusted. And in that moment, I thanked God in the quietest, most secluded part of my heart. I thanked Him because I don't do it enough. And I thanked Him for letting me sneak a peak at the true beauty of the gift He bestowed upon us, in the form of a rock solid example, of Life and one of it's smallest of miracles.