The Box

Today I received a box

That I had sent months ago

It was a pretty, pretty box

That held things that no one knows

The box has stars and things

Really a box within a box

A pretty, pretty box, with goodies and strings

Holding sweetness, love, and clocks

The box contained a letter

A letter that was never read

A letter that held a promise

Of things that were never said

I sat beneath the sun

With the box, packaging and such

And began to throw out the things

That had once meant so much

I read the letter one more time

Words I thought other eyes would see

But alas, they were never read

By anyone else but me

I ripped the letter slowly

As I watched children play

And folded the gift paper gently

To use for another day

I kept the pretty box

It was too pretty to throw away

Perhaps I'll use it another time

Anytime but today

Things I Learned Today

Today, I spent the day with my best friend, her husband, and her family. We went upstate to a beautiful commercial village where bored people go to spend money on stupid things. Here are some things I learned today:

1) Life changing events are not things that happen in a crescendo of sound and music and dramatic camera angles. They happen in small moments, in nonchalant comments, in passing suggestions, in the blink of an eye, or in the skip of a heartbeat. Or both.

2) Pizza is not overrated.

3) I can blink back tears quite successfully, but I cannot effectively hide how I'm feeling inside.

4) Scenery can actually become visibly duller when you hear something you didn't want to hear.

5) As sad as some things are, and as horrible as some things are, it always catches me off guard how I am not surprised by the cruelty of people, by the way they take advantage, or by their constant short comings. And that is truly sad.

"Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward." - Robert C. Gallagher

Let's hope so. Otherwise, this is getting old. And so am I.

Hi my name is **** and I'm a...Facebook-aholic?

Ok, so I wouldn't write about this if it wasn't so momentous:

I deactivated Facebook for 24 hours, the night before last.

I wasn't spending an insane amount of time on it or anything. Or even finding it difficult to get off. However, for some personal reasons, I decided to deactivate, and disconnect from the world in general for a day.

I must say that it was liberating. It felt good not being a slave to the social wires that seemed to continuously tug at my brain, no matter what I was doing. I moved more freely, and thought less about things that had been bothering me.

But I thought more about Facebook. And that's when it hit me: I have a soft addiction for Facebook, and the Internet in general.

As I was doing my daily laps in the pool, I began thinking about my routine last semester. I left my house about 20 minutes early to get to campus, so that I could go to Starbucks, get my tall, non-fat mocha with whip, go into the faculty lounge, and check "my stuff". And if traffic held me up, I would get seriously upset that I couldn't have my "computer" time. Oh, and if things got busy during the day for some reason? And I couldn't check my e-mail in the middle of the day? Oh forget about it! One time, I got so irate, as I was squealing "I haven't checked my e-mail all day, this is ridiculous!" I realized how ridiculous I was sounding.

So is it an addiction really, or do I just cherish my "me" time at the beginning of the day? Possibly, it's a little bit of both.

But I must say that when I reactivated last night, it felt good. I only stayed on for minutes, but the access itself was reassuring.

I felt connected again. And if you think about that, that is a scary thing.

It Burns

It burns
Like a cold fire
In a place you cannot see
In a place you cannot reach

It hurts
Like vicious words unexpected
Like tears that come unelected
Like betrayal from an unlikely source
Like a pretty dream that was just a dream

It stings
Like the first tears to leave your eyes
Like water in a wound
Like pain that you weren’t bracing yourself against

It’s expected
Like the calm before a storm
Like the sun in the morning
Like the darkness at night

But still it burns
Like the words that were said
In a memory that was bred
To be forever repeating
In your pretty little head

Changes

It's weird.

There are some changes in life that are so definite, that you know that you can never go back to the way things were before that change.

This weekend, my cousin got married. And although we spent the day before running around, giggling, tearing up, I didn't realize then that that was the last time it would be like this, in this way. Now don't get me wrong, it's not like the time when my other cousin told me that things would always be different once she got married, and I was horrified and saddened. I mean it's one of those things where this cousin and I always made wacky plans to meet spontaneously, hook up in different states, and just craziness. It was never easy, because we currently -- I mean used to -- live 7 hours apart (a drive). Now, we will be 18 hours apart (which was like before really, when she was doing her undergrad), but she's gonna be married. And although we promised each other we would still be silly and do fun things, I couldn't help but realize just a few minutes ago, as I was standing in her empty room, the gap that her lack of presence was leaving behind. I turned to my right and saw her wedding dress hanging in the closet. I looked to my left and saw one of her guitars leaning against the wall. I saw the movies we had watched together on top of her TV. And I saw her yoga mat on the floor. And I think that's when it hit me. Things would never be the same again.

And I felt like a mom!! Haha, I felt like her baby self was gone, and that the next time I see her, she would be different. And I say this without an ounce of sadness although it might seem like that. But as I was wiping my eyes like an idiot, I was overwhelmed with love and a feeling I can't describe. Most likely happiness. Also most likely missing her already.

I go back to Philadelphia in a couple of hours and I'm going straight to my best friend's house, who is getting married this Sunday inshaa Allah. And I can't help but hope that it won't be as hard as this wedding. I don't think I can take so much emotional drama within a two week period :)